I used to have a recurring dream of a white room. I was terrified of its bare, blank walls. I brought this up to my therapist, who asked me to close my eyes and imagine myself in the room, asking me what I would do when faced with it. I saw myself throwing bright red paint on the walls. I wanted to make art and play, deep down in my subconscious, but my conscious mind was not letting me. My therapist was as susprised by this vision as I was, having never heard me use the words ‘art’ or ‘play’ before in our sessions.
It took me another 4 years after that to start making that vision a reality. One of the biggest barriers to me starting my journey as an artist was being able to claim the identity of one. I’ve been doing art on and off pretty much all my life - photography, poetry, sculpture, drawing and more - yet it was so hard for me to claim that I was an artist. The idea of being an artist as a legitimate identity was clouded by all the limiting beliefs and baggage I had accrued in my life. Identifying those limiting beliefs was the biggest way to clarify my intention to myself.
For me these beliefs were:
The title of an artist is not yours to claim, but is given to you by someone else.
Being an artist is a luxury
Artists are always in emotional distress
Being an artist is a financial struggle
It’s too late to start a new path
Being able to find and talk to other artists allowed me to realise that none of these beliefs are universal truths. But the barriers still existed until I tried to define for myself what it meant to be an artist.
For me this was:
The unique way you see, feel and relate to the world
What gives you energy
How you spend your energy
Taking stock of all these questions gave the clarity that no amount of external validation or titles was going to give me. Along the way I had the help of a wonderful coach to help me practice saying “I am a poet”, or “I am an artist” in normal conversations. I realised that how you see yourself is, how others see you and not the other way around. Just the simple act of claiming this for myself enabled me to commit to and invest in my creative expansion in a way I had never been able to do before.
What other things beside this am I not giving myself permission to claim? How are you stopping yourself from expanding your life simply because you can’t imagine claiming it? How many lives would you be able to live if you gave yourself permission?
x
sana
“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”
―Mary Oliver
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This reminds me of an article I read recently about becoming rich in confidence by creating an 'alter ego' of yourself: https://thequietrich.beehiiv.com/p/rich-confidence . Mine is 'the experimental and prolific artist' (or at least something along those lines - I'm definitely working on it!).
Well said. The inherited cultural baggage of “being an artist” is a heavy, layered burden. It’s only those who are able to unlearn it that can embrace the simplicity of being an artist.