Learning to stay open, takes time
On tectonic shifts, the work of softening & poetry by Nayyirah Waheed
1.
flower work
is
not easy.
remaining
soft in fire
takes time.
2.
and what if i write of you.
is that more love than you can handle.
3.
stay soft. it looks beautiful on you.
Dear friends,
Although it has been just over a month, it feels many lifetimes have started and ended in between. Personal upheavals, things running their course, habits left in the past where they belonged, intense fatigue, the jitters of newness. I’m not sure what the movements of the stars had predicted but there was something surely beyond my scope of understanding at play in the air.
I start today’s newsletter with 3 small poems from one of my favourite poets - nayyirah waheed. They have been on my mind all month, as I worked hard in staying soft, by which I mean remaining open, by which I mean being present to the moment. As someone consumed by all kinds of anxiety since I was little, I have coped with it in many different ways. I am often wont in the face of fear and rejection to go into preemptive shut down and when this happens poetry and art are the ways I teach myself over and over again to open up and soften again.
As I am learning the seasonality of my art practice, I am learning that summer brings with it a surge in anxiety of the blank page. This summer was no different. A few commissions (that I enjoyed making) and leaving my full time job alongside other things, sent me in a bit of a perfectionist spiral. I couldn’t get myself to paint many days. A couple of weeks ago, I took a new friend in, and we made mindless art together, seeing her joy at the movement of paint and her capacity to create something brought me back from the hard edges of perfectionism, in the present moment of joy.
As I opened up so did the world around me, opportunities seemed to arrive unsolicited, ones that even a year ago would have been outside the realm of my vision. The more good things arrived, the more I had to fight the automatic contraction. It might be hard to understand, but good things can also be outside the window of tolerance for folks used to living with anxiety.
But here I am trying to stay soft anyway.
Recent happenings
Group Show at Soho Revue with Artiq
I was a part of a wonderfully curated group show at the brilliant Soho Revue Gallery in London to celebrate 15 years of Artiq - an art agency that I work with, who have been super supporting since the moment I met them earlier this year.
Fifteen at Soho Revue, images by Dan Weill for Artiq Midnight Chit-chat with Surmeyi & Podi life
Had a delightful time chatting with the lovely Manasvi and Alak over a midnight IG live, talking all things belonging, childhood curiosities and what it means to listen to your body and go after your dreams.
I finally started art school! After having done two degrees including an MFA (in design), I am so excited to be able to go deep into my practice and my artistic voice. I know how foundational and instrumental my previous courses were, so showing up to induction this week on Monday morning for the 2024-25 cohort of offsite students at Turps Banana gave me serious first day of the school jitters.
Some new works, colours and gestures are finally arriving, perhaps marking the end of summer.
On staying open to receiving & being seen
If you are interested in enquiring about my work or commissioning a piece (especially if you want it to be done in time for Christmas), do have a look at my catalogue and reach out directly at sanarao15@gmail.com.
New (and old) subscribers might notice that I have now turned on the paid subscriber option on this newsletter after writing it for a solid four years. I will not be paywalling any content for the foreseeable future, but the option is there if you want to support me as I take my first steps in a new timeline.
Last year, around exactly at this time I took the intentional decision to get comfortable witnessing myself in this moment of transition, I could think of no one better than photographer and artist Nadia Meli to help me through this moment. If you like me would like to find someone who can help witness you in the way you hope to witness yourself, do consider hiring her.
Stay open, it looks beautiful on you
x
sana